Doubt

Is doubt a good thing or a bad thing.

Does it make you miss out on the good times you could have?

Or does it protect you from getting hurt?

I can't believe in anything because a big characteristic in my personality is doubting everything I know. Everything I've learned, and everyone close to me.

Wanna know why I don't believe in science, history, religion, math, EVERYTHING. It's because my mind can only take simple. I may say it's because it ruins the beauty of the natural, and it does, but honestly it's because I'm incapable of not doubting everything. That's why I don't think about life and just live it. My brain can't handle anything more. It may seem like I'm some strange person who knows what she believes in and it's just different than everyone else but it's not. I can never be 100% sure about anything, even if it's right in my face.

So no it's not a good thing. Because of it I have fears pouring out the windows of my soul.

Fears:

I can't love.
People around me are a lie.
I'm going to lose everyone around my because I'm so unstable.
Talking about my problems.
Ruining others lives by being myself.
Who I truly am.
Will I ever be happy.
Will I ever live past 18.
Will I get into college.
Can I be who I want to be.
Is it all a lie.
Can I trust it.
Getting hurt.
Talking to my parents about anything.
Speaking.
Getting up in the morning.
Myself.
Parents.
Facing myself.
How unstable I really am.
Being bipolar.
How many mental problems I really have.
What I let define me.
Will I ever have courage.
Will I ever be able to make the people around me happy.
Will I ever realize that being there for everyone is impossible.
Will I ever be there for myself.
Will my parents ever accept me.
All the problems I have, can, and will cause.
Can I take on life.
How this is only the beginning.
I'm insane.
Can't control myself.
Can't logically think.
Friends.
Boyfriends.
Is she right?
Who can I trust.
Getting too attached.
Teachers.
Grades.
Being wrong.
Not being strong enough.
My oblivion.
How many people are going to push me away and give up on me.
Can I do this.


The world always says that life is an uphill battle, and it's all about reaching the top. Though you can never stay on a hill forever. No matter what hill you run into, you have to go down after you go up. Sure you could camp out and never go off that hill, but then all you have is isolation. You miss everything that goes on in the life below you pressing pause on everything you knew. Though that does sound pretty nice. Maybe the uphill battle ends when you finally realize you got to stop when you're on the top of hill and not press forward for what you believe is on the other side. Face the fact that it's not there and sit down. Camp out. Stop thinking and accept it.