Goodbye.

It seems like a dream.

A mere hazy image that has little importance.

Though I'm not going to let it be that way.

Such a big part of my life has now slipped away and I feel more familiar with how fragile life is.

I walked in holding back my tears. Glad that he always seemed to come to me. He had to be lifted out of the car, but he was walking okay. Slowly but surely we made our way into the room. I couldn't tell you what the workers looked like, or what anyone in my family was wearing. I was focused on one thing, because it deserved all my attention in the last moments.

Tired. So tired. I could see it more then ever. I knew it was right, but that doesn't prevent the depression. I sat only to see him on the other side of the room. I hesitated, but luckily I got myself to stand up and go by his side. He put his head in my lap, and I tried to express my love to him. Let him know how much he meant to me.

Then I made a mistake.

I looked up to see my sisters' face. I saw that tears were beginning to fall down her face, and I felt a hole so deep in me that the universe was a mere sliver in time. My face began to feel hot, and my tears began.

I sat there crying with him in my arms, as the nurses came in. I hoped with all of my black heart that this is what he wanted, and that he was okay with it. I worried that he misunderstood.

Please. Please, dear God, no. Stop. Don't let this happen. I'm not ready.

I watched as the pink liquid slowly disappeared inside his veins.

Suddenly he was shaking. His breathes became hard and deep. His brother came over, and as they looked face to face, he finally understood and plummeted to panic.

As he took his final breathes. With his eyes shaking he looked up at me.

Gone.

I will never forget. 

Never will I let such a beautiful life go unnoticed.

I will always love you and never let you die in my heart.

Please know that.

Please.