Do I Even Want My Crayons Back?

If you had the chance to be a kid again would you?
To start completely from scratch?

I wouldn't.
My childhood was filled with crying and the word no.
Being the youngest you automatically get made fun of.
Constantly.
My crayons were broken from the beginning.
I was very shy,
And the friends I did have didn't give a shit about me.

If your childhood was bad do you like where you are now?
Or do you dream of the future instead?
I couldn't say I like where I am,
Nor do I wish for the future.
Maybe when I'm happy.
Though that feeling is becoming rare again.
I feel like it's just behind a locked door,
But I buried the key long ago.

Honestly,
I don't want my past,
I don't like now,
And the future sickens me.

What do I dream of?
Easy,
Nothing.