Exhausted because I can't make up my mind on being with someone for the rest of my life or not. Which us probably a sign on its own the relationship should end. But it's not that easy. It's never easy.
Exhausted from trying to figure out how to be a parent. It's such a big responsibility. I feel like im fucking it up. I feel like I wasn't ready. Is anybody ever ready?
Exhausted by the people around me. Not because of them, but because of the expectations I think they have of me. Which is a silly thing to give the time of day.
Exhausted with myself. Why can't I just get it right? Why can't I be better. I should know better.
I consciously try to remind myself to listen to my heart instead of my head. It's been so long It's hard to remember what that feels like. She's been alone for so long I don't know if she feels like sharing. When did we disconnect? When did I stop listening. She now speaks a language I am not fluent in.
I'm barely holding on.
I'm trying my best.
I need to not trust everything my mind tells me.
But then how do I make any decisions?
I DONT UNDERSTAND!
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