Unfinished, Like Everything But Dessert.

I dance while nobody is watching.
Maybe it's because people tell me my body is all wrong,
But I know my soul's all right.
I keep it hidden a lot,
Though I know I can do better than what the world tells me I'm meant to be.
If I come home and I'm the only one there,
I sing at the top of my lungs,
Dancing with my socks sliding on the tile,
And I make myself some damn lunch.
Though most the time it's dessert.
Frosting,
Potato chips,
I'll work out tomorrow.
You see once upon a time,
I thought God didn't like the look of my face.
Head down in the halls,
Headphones on,
Making sure those "too nice" of people wouldn't call me out.
I couldn't see the light at the end of the tunnel,
Because I wasn't looking.

She

She played the piano.
Played it so beautifully,
And loved it.
Everyone couldn't help but stare,
And feel the music.
She told a story through her fingers.
But it was not her story,
Her story was filled with tears when no one was staring.
Her story was filled with cuts into her being,
Because she didn't know who she was.
Silently she suffered,
While everyone just wanted a piece of her music.
But her notes were breaking,
Breaking,
Breaking so slowly,
But effective none the less.
She couldn't hear the notes anymore.
She was always in outer space or underwater.
Her music was the ground she couldn't stand on anymore.
But she played the piano.

She smelled like cigarettes.
She smelled like coffee.
She smelled bitter and sweet,
And was a mess but neat.
Broken on the inside,
But pretty for everyone to see.
Every morning less sleep.
Falling harder than falling deep.
Running forever,
Running to better,
Herself.
From what?
I do not know.
Only she will ever know.
I don't mean her mind.
I mean her fingers.
The ones she put in a casket long ago.
Her soul. 
Buried deep beneath everything she is now.
Buried beneath her smell.

Inception

Look.

Life is hard.

Everyone around you in relationships,

When you're going through a break up...still.

Finally saying "I love you" to your mom,

And only hearing "okay" back. 

It's easy to feel alone. 

Easier for your mind to tell you how useless you are. 

And you're always changing,

So what if you become all the side effects of who you wanted to be?

It's hard to explain how hollow I feel. 

How I care but I don't.

How scared I am.

Today I had a conversation.

And great friends turned into awkward small talk.

We eventually grew used to each other again,

But we got a glimpse of what things will be like a year from now. 

Do grown ups still get scared of the dark?

Is it okay if I don't grow up?

Should I even give a shit in the first place?

I feel like I'm in Inception and can't tell what's fake or not.

P.R.O.M.

What to do when you don't have a date to prom, but everyone is talking to you about their dresses. 

1. Whenever you run into your friends who are in relationships pull out your phone or book.

2. Go to the store an find all the chick flicks and chocolate you can.

(Ice cream is also acceptable)

3. Stay at home avoiding any social interaction with females. Prom will come up if you risk it. 

4. Wear your prom dress while you eat chocolate and ice cream and don't give a shit about spilling. 

5. Get over it. 

P. R. O. M.

u       e        u         i

t        l         t         n

         a        o        d

         t         f

         i

         o

         n

         s

         h

         i

         p

         s

but...um....yeah...

Being antisocial is more then just being an awkward person that doesn't talk much.
It's thinking about breathing,
Thinking about every step you take,
Because if you do anything wrong people will laugh at you.
Oh know your shoe is untied,
Hurry and fix it before you trip,
But find a corner so you don't get stepped on when you bend down.
Being antisocial is like being a ghost.
But when someone actually sees you,
When they smile at you while your sitting in the halls alone.
When you drop something and you're not the first one to pick it up.
When someone sees you,
You think you can be something,
Besides the trust issues with anything and everyone,
Besides the over analyzing,
The low self esteem,
The whole fucking lot that's trapped in your mind.
You've been deprived of social interaction,
But how can you start a conversation with a stranger,
When you can barely spit out the truth to the women who gave birth to you.
But you try anyways.
You say hello,
Though it was too quite and they didn't hear you,
Or they're one of the ones that just ignore you.
What do you do then?
Pull out the phone,
Pull out the book,
Like nothing happened. 

We see you judging us.
We feel those eyes.
But we will learn to keep our heads up in the halls,
Because we've missed to much color,
After looking at the floor for so long.
We will learn to wear our insecurities on our sleeves,
Because yes we're different,
But we've learned that it's something to love.
We have learned that it's okay to love ourselves.

What Is Happening...

It's the last term of my last year of high school, and i'll I want is for it to end.
Drama.
Friends.
Relationships.
It all kinda went to shit.
I'm a tourist in this class and I know it.
But hey I'm still here writing when there wasn't an assignment.
Doesn't the mean something?
But anyways,
Back to my final days in these halls.
I want it to be great.
But I'm not living for each day anymore.
I'm using things in my future to keep me going.
I HATE the future.
So what I'm I doing?
How do I even begin to change this.
How do I make things happy and memorable like most ends should be?
I have no fucking idea.
I can't time travel going backwards or forwards trying to fix things.
And frankly I don't want to.
I have no regrets.
But the world is spinning,
The sun keeps setting,
I'm running out of time,
And there's not much left.
I must make my days memorable.

EVERYTHING IS CHANGING

I've never been good with change.
Yet I see people who are still friends from elementary school,
And my latest friend is from ninth grade,
I don't even know why because I don't treat her the way I should.
She's saved me.

The biggest change of all:
I'm starting to like my family.

I'm being productive. I actually like the outdoors...
What the fuck is happening.

Yet, that hollow feel in his still there.
Even when it has no reason to be.

Things are great...
Right?

Or am I becoming what I despise...?
Is that why that feeling is still there?
Or does my brain just hate me...

Everything happens for a reason. 

You happened for a reason.
No matter how many times my heart has broken from being around you.

Stage crew happened for a reason,
But it scares me how ready I am to leave.

Why did this start?
When did this start?

But most importantly is it something I should be happy about...?

Falling Slowly

I just need to get out of this town.
A completely fresh start.

Good Ol' Playlists

March to the Sea - Twenty One Pilots

Kitchen Sink - Twenty One Pilots

7 Years - Lukas Graham

All Time Low - Jon Bellion

Juke Box Hero - Foreigner

Headphones - Hedley

Rebel Beat - Goo Goo Dolls

I Wanna Get Better - Bleachers

Lost Boy - Ruth B

We're Not Gonna Take It - Twisted Sister

Sweet As Whole - Sara Bareilles

Here(In Your Arms) - Hellogoodbye

Yamaha - Delta Spirit

Forbidden Friendship - John Powell

She's Kinda Hot - 5 Seconds of Summer

Here's To The Zeroes - Marianas Trench

Who Do You Love - Marianas Trench

Top Of The World - Greek Fire

Disenchanted - My Chemical Romance

Fake Your Death - My Chemical Romance

Broken Man - Boys Like Girls

Surrender - Angels & Airwaves

Here I Am - Bryan Adams

Cardiology - Good Charlotte

Everywhere I Go(Kings and Queens) - New Politics

This Is Gospel - Panic! At The Disco

Golden Days - Panic! At The Disco

Heaven Knows - The Pretty Reckless

The Rest Of Us - Simple Plan

Shut Up! - Simple Plan

Change Of Seasons - Sweet Thing

The Bird And The Worm - The Used

Bipolar Baby! - Forever The Sickest Kids

Same Dumb Excuse(Nothing To Lose) - Forever The Sickest Kids

Angel With A Shotgun - The Cab

Rockstar - A Great Big World

Jimmy and Sally - I Fight Dragons