I Don't Know

I'd like to quote a person I hold dear in my heart.

"I don't know."

I don't know if I should be giving in to the world around me, and forget who I am.

I don't know if I should be preparing for a break up because long distance doesn't work.

I don't know if I should be breaking up currently because I'm too much for another human being.

I don't know if I should isolate myself because I can't identify truth from lying.

I don't know if I should being talking to someone about what goes on in my head.

I don't know if I should be getting papers for emancipation.

I don't know if I should let myself sleep.

I don't know if I should just kill myself off so I don't have to deal with anything.

I don't know if I should being doing what I love or doing what makes sense.

I don't know if I should be myself around others because I can't determine if I'll bring them down or lift them up.

I don't know if I can get my life in order.

I don't know if I should try to look on the bright side because I'm scared I'll get to the point where I can't find one.

I don't know if I should try paying for college through scholarships or just face the facts.

I don't know if I actually want to go through life or not.

I don't know if I should start taking meds.

I don't know if I should try being beautiful or accept its impossible.

I don't know if I can believe in anything in this world.

I DON'T KNOW.

And I'm done trying to know.

What to Write

What do you write about when you feel nothing?

When your day was just eh, and completely uninspiring.

It wasn't a bad day. No yelling. Not too much depression.

Though it wasn't good either.

Sure you laughed, But you were really just going through the motions.

But now sitting at my computer and wanting to write I wonder when it will all stop.

When will I finally step up and make everything memorable.

Am I just going to wake up tomorrow and change my life?

Even if I did wake up tomorrow wanting to change my life it would wear off.

How do I make every day memorable?

My thoughts -

Step 1: Buy A Camera. Take at least one picture each day so you remember every single one. Write stories about it. Do something.

Step 2: Set Goals.

Step 3: Get off your lazy ass and do more with your life.

Step 4: Care less about others. Not in an insensitive way, but don't let them define you. Don't depend on anyone.

Step 5: Make a legit bucket list, and make goals and achieve them one by one.

Step 6: Die.

P.S. - If anyone tries to get in your way and prevent you making the most of life. Leave them behind. Life is too short to care about what other people think.


Every time I want to change my life it fades. I go back into the motions and am too lazy to get off my ass and live. Though you see time doesn't wait for people to get off their ass. Time continues and eats away at you until your all old a decrepit, and look back on all the things you wish you did.

Though there is a line. If I get too caught up in making everything work, I miss the times where sitting on my ass benefits me. Instead of being too busy to have a random hang out with friends, I have no schedule and can spend the day with them.

Now I must bring up the other possibility that came up in my head. What if I don't know how to work towards something I want. You know, no one ever tells you how life should be lived. Not that thats a bad thing, but I feel as though there is some certain way that no one knows about. Being too loud with your opinion and life just seems wrong. Some how I feel like some lifestyle has been planted in my head.

Though maybe. Just maybe. I can start living life the way I want to.