but...um....yeah...

Being antisocial is more then just being an awkward person that doesn't talk much.
It's thinking about breathing,
Thinking about every step you take,
Because if you do anything wrong people will laugh at you.
Oh know your shoe is untied,
Hurry and fix it before you trip,
But find a corner so you don't get stepped on when you bend down.
Being antisocial is like being a ghost.
But when someone actually sees you,
When they smile at you while your sitting in the halls alone.
When you drop something and you're not the first one to pick it up.
When someone sees you,
You think you can be something,
Besides the trust issues with anything and everyone,
Besides the over analyzing,
The low self esteem,
The whole fucking lot that's trapped in your mind.
You've been deprived of social interaction,
But how can you start a conversation with a stranger,
When you can barely spit out the truth to the women who gave birth to you.
But you try anyways.
You say hello,
Though it was too quite and they didn't hear you,
Or they're one of the ones that just ignore you.
What do you do then?
Pull out the phone,
Pull out the book,
Like nothing happened. 

We see you judging us.
We feel those eyes.
But we will learn to keep our heads up in the halls,
Because we've missed to much color,
After looking at the floor for so long.
We will learn to wear our insecurities on our sleeves,
Because yes we're different,
But we've learned that it's something to love.
We have learned that it's okay to love ourselves.

What Is Happening...

It's the last term of my last year of high school, and i'll I want is for it to end.
Drama.
Friends.
Relationships.
It all kinda went to shit.
I'm a tourist in this class and I know it.
But hey I'm still here writing when there wasn't an assignment.
Doesn't the mean something?
But anyways,
Back to my final days in these halls.
I want it to be great.
But I'm not living for each day anymore.
I'm using things in my future to keep me going.
I HATE the future.
So what I'm I doing?
How do I even begin to change this.
How do I make things happy and memorable like most ends should be?
I have no fucking idea.
I can't time travel going backwards or forwards trying to fix things.
And frankly I don't want to.
I have no regrets.
But the world is spinning,
The sun keeps setting,
I'm running out of time,
And there's not much left.
I must make my days memorable.

EVERYTHING IS CHANGING

I've never been good with change.
Yet I see people who are still friends from elementary school,
And my latest friend is from ninth grade,
I don't even know why because I don't treat her the way I should.
She's saved me.

The biggest change of all:
I'm starting to like my family.

I'm being productive. I actually like the outdoors...
What the fuck is happening.

Yet, that hollow feel in his still there.
Even when it has no reason to be.

Things are great...
Right?

Or am I becoming what I despise...?
Is that why that feeling is still there?
Or does my brain just hate me...

Everything happens for a reason. 

You happened for a reason.
No matter how many times my heart has broken from being around you.

Stage crew happened for a reason,
But it scares me how ready I am to leave.

Why did this start?
When did this start?

But most importantly is it something I should be happy about...?

Falling Slowly

I just need to get out of this town.
A completely fresh start.

Good Ol' Playlists

March to the Sea - Twenty One Pilots

Kitchen Sink - Twenty One Pilots

7 Years - Lukas Graham

All Time Low - Jon Bellion

Juke Box Hero - Foreigner

Headphones - Hedley

Rebel Beat - Goo Goo Dolls

I Wanna Get Better - Bleachers

Lost Boy - Ruth B

We're Not Gonna Take It - Twisted Sister

Sweet As Whole - Sara Bareilles

Here(In Your Arms) - Hellogoodbye

Yamaha - Delta Spirit

Forbidden Friendship - John Powell

She's Kinda Hot - 5 Seconds of Summer

Here's To The Zeroes - Marianas Trench

Who Do You Love - Marianas Trench

Top Of The World - Greek Fire

Disenchanted - My Chemical Romance

Fake Your Death - My Chemical Romance

Broken Man - Boys Like Girls

Surrender - Angels & Airwaves

Here I Am - Bryan Adams

Cardiology - Good Charlotte

Everywhere I Go(Kings and Queens) - New Politics

This Is Gospel - Panic! At The Disco

Golden Days - Panic! At The Disco

Heaven Knows - The Pretty Reckless

The Rest Of Us - Simple Plan

Shut Up! - Simple Plan

Change Of Seasons - Sweet Thing

The Bird And The Worm - The Used

Bipolar Baby! - Forever The Sickest Kids

Same Dumb Excuse(Nothing To Lose) - Forever The Sickest Kids

Angel With A Shotgun - The Cab

Rockstar - A Great Big World

Jimmy and Sally - I Fight Dragons

Myself, Awesome, Stop, Happiness

M
A
S
H

Mansion
Apartment
Shack
House

Who cares as long as I'm happy?

How about M stands for myself.
As in I think of my self worth,
Myself since birth,
Growing and learning that everything will be okay,
Because I'm on this lovely thing I call Earth.

A stands for awesome,
Because yes it's a middle school word,
And some people have heard it right before they went into super nova,
But hey,
If you actually think you're awesome then you deserve a standing ovation.
We go through every day wondering if we're good enough.
And sometimes we just give up,
Then the people we knew and didn't know are visiting our graves.
Let's not forget about those people,
And how people may have told them they were awesome,
But they didn't believe they were.
Remember.

S stands for stop.
We all need to know when to stop.
Whether its when joking turns to bullying,
Flirting turns to rape,
There's too many people in this world that don't understand the word limits.
What's okay and what's not.
Murder happens so often now we don't care unless it's someone we knew.
We see horror on the news,
And we're just thankful no one's bombing us.
We all just need to stop.

H stands for happiness,
Because for some reason everyone else has forgotten it's most important.
Who cares about money when you can have happiness.
A good job,
Good friends,
If it's not necessary for you happiness why give a shit?
Yes, you should be concerned about others,
And not put your happiness over theirs,
But why should you put theirs above yours.
You are equal,
And if you get in each others way,
You might as well both step back.
Happiness is the most important thing. 
Money can't buy it,
Things can't provide it,
Only you can supply it,
Just try it.

Now mash it all together.
Figure out what's right for you,
And throw the rest out.
If you're passionate enough you'll succeed.
You can make it, 
You just have to believe. 

Just remember,
You are you,
And no one can make you do shit.

Love is oblivion, and I'm scared.

i love you. 

Yes, you're on medication,
Yes, I may not know the real you,
But guessing fucking what,

I LOVE YOU.

I didn't want to make you choose between me and your family.
I wanted to be your family.

I LOVE YOU.

You got me watching the Notebook.
You made me put my heart in a notebook.
You are my notebook.
You are my Notebook.

i love you. 

You've got me eating a gallon of ice cream,
And drinking cider out of the bottle.

I LOVE YOU.

You were Neverland holding a ukelele,
And our hearts made beautiful music.

I LOVE YOU.

The wrinkles you got around your eyes when you smiled made me melt,
But now the dagger gets deeper every time I see you.

i love you.

You loved me more than anyone,
And yet you're questioning if it's real.

I LOVE YOU.

No matter how different we are I love the things we see the same.
Though you didn't feel normal with the world,
In my eyes you were the first normal person I'd ever met.

I LOVE YOU. 

No matter how much I love your brain,
I wish you would go with your heart,
And throw logic aside just this once.
For me.

i love you.

I never gave you enough compliments,
No matter how many were in my head,
It ended up coming out wrong.

I LOVE YOU.

Men are from Mars,
And women are from Venus,
But honey,
You took me past Pluto,
Because our hearts were going the speed of light.

I LOVE YOU.

I carried a stuffed animal around for two days because of you.

i love you.

Everything in your world is crumbling,
But somehow when I see you you're still happy.
could i not make you happy?

I LOVE YOU.

I don't know how things are going for us here on out,
But just know that still,

I LOVE YOU.

And I remember the time you said there was noting I could do to push you away,
But now I'm left with the thoughts that you didn't love me,
And I wasn't enough.
Not enough to fight,
Not enough to tell your parents,
Not enough see a future,
Not enough to surpass her.
I wish I had been enough for you. 
Because,

I MISS YOU.







"I'm in love with you, and I'm not in the business of denying myself the simple pleasure of saying true things. I'm in love with you, and I know that love is just a shout into the void, and that oblivion is inevitable, and that we're all doomed and that there will come a day when all our labor has been returned to dust, and I know the sun will swallow the only earth we'll ever have, and I'm in love with you."
-Augustus Waters, The Fault In Our Stars