Where Do I Go From Here?

I try way too hard to pick myself up, when all I get is pushed back down.

Everyday somehow I grasp onto hope that it will be a good day.

I'm usually wrong.

At times it seems for a while things have gotten better and I'll be going uphill for a while. Though all it was, was a phase. Something that was so temporary is was near translucent.

Then I realize that it's all a lie. It happens every time. New friends, maybe even a guy, but no. It turns out I'm just the pity kid. People pick me up because they feel bad, but then drop me all at once as soon as they get tired.

Of course I have my family though. They aren't temporary. I just wish they were. The one thing that stays in my life brings me down at every opportunity it gets. No matter the size of the problem, or even if there isn't one altogether.

People wonder sometimes why I want to die. Every time they just don't understand. They call me a selfish little kid who just wants more and more.

Well I don't want your money, and I don't want your silly little toys. The only reason I get them is because I'll take anything that gets my mind of my life for even just a second.

Sorry if I seem selfish for wanting friends I know I can trust, and someone who won't just drop me as soon as they get bored.

Sorry if sometimes I open up to you, and overwhelm you with the actual way I am. I just thought maybe you'd care. That just maybe I could find someone who wanted to listen. Who wanted to help me.

I need someone to help me heal my wounds. They've been open for way too long. I know they aren't your problem, but I just can't do it by myself.

So yes, where do I go from here?

I don't know about you, but the only option I see ahead of me is death.