Unfinished

I walk through the halls feeling so small.
New people, new school, no friends.
I see the people I used to know.
Wanting to make amends.

I feel like an outcast, a joke, a bug.
Just wishing for someone to reach out.
I feel so trampled and pushed around.
Feeling to be noticed I'd have to shout.

Last class, last day, of something new,
Before it becomes a routine.
Last call, and so, before I walk in,
I whisper, "someone please."

Shuffle sit down, shuffle sit down.
I've been doing it all day.
Shuffle sit down, shuffle sit down.
It keeps me invisible and sane.

I stay in the back looking down.
Not sure what I should do.
The room fills with a presence, a face,
And suddenly I knew.

A Tribute To A Friend

My best friend made me want to cry today.  Of course I did.

That was the second time this week that happened.

What went wrong? He's my best friend isn't he?

But he moved away and now were not growing up together and it's just so awkward when he comes back. 

Don't get me wrong. I love my best friend. As a friend of course, but we've both changed and chosen different paths. That shouldn't be a problem, but it has made us both too sensitive to take each others jokes like we used to say. 

He is into boxing and fighting so he always beating me up. Not in a terribly bad way, but it still hurts. All the things we are now just don't clash. 

Being through so much in our lives, putting it in the same room nearly causes an explosion. Though when it's over I think of when things were good.

The video games, the laughter, the pointless conversations and debates about things non-existing.

It used to be so perfect, but now I feel the sun has begun to set on our story. Though I don't want it to end I'm only holding onto the stories from the past. Before I felt so abused and bullied. I know that's how he shows his love because he's more anti-social than me, but it feels so different and wrong I'm not sure I can take it.

I plead to the stars to not make this the fate, but I'm afraid I may be too late.

I hope there's a change not an end, but if so I leave this a tribute to my friend.

P.S.- Love ya bud

Darkness

Darkness.
It's all I feel.
Not the wind on my face,
Nor the rain falling down,
Just darkness.

I do not expect you to understand,
Why death hangs over my head,
Tantalizing me to take action.
Telling me just to sleep,
And then all my pain will go away.

How can I feel pain you say?
Yes, all I feel is darkness.
Though sometimes even darkness has mercy.
On occasion it spits me out, and let's me feel,
All the pain and terror in my life.

Humans do not long for the feeling of pain,
But did I say I was human?
Feeling makes you seem alive.
Not feeling makes you a corpse.
So no matter the feeling "good" or "bad" I'm not one to care.

Mentally or physically,
A lover or a parent,
The darkness follows me looming like a cloud.
I cannot escape, only give in and become,
Darkness myself.

Life, Love, and Depression

Sometimes even the busiest of days can't keep you from depression. It can just hit you at anytime enveloping you in darkness and fog.

You don't know where you are. Where you're going. What you're doing. Nothing.

You're body is filled with everything you need to live. Yet you can feel so empty you don't even want to get up in the morning because going out into the world seems pointless. You just know the world's out to get you sometimes, and sadly the world plays favorites.

How do you stop it? Where's the cure? Anti-depression pills? Please. You'd be better off on weed. Like its say's in the mythology tale Pandora's Box all we have is hope. No cures, no pills, just hope.

The Beginning

This is the beginning of something. Right here.

This is the beginning of me making the internet my best friend (though we are pretty good friends now anyways.)

This is the beginning of me sharing my thoughts and not caring what other people might think or say back, because I've been holding who I am in for way too long, and now is the time to start a new beginning.

Of course there's never just a beginning. There is so much more to a story than the beginning, but the beginning is the most important part. You just simply can't start something from the middle or-god forbid-the end. You have to start from the beginning and let time tell the tale.

We all have our own story, and I've decided to write mine down...sort of, and share it with you.